For years I have been saying a prayer, “God, just show me what I’m supposed to do. Why was I created?” I’m sure that I am only one in a billion that have ever uttered that prayer. Many times, we need that divine inspiration to be able to see our way, to understand why we are here in the universe. Other times, it has already been shown to us, but for some reason, we push it away due to past hurts or disappointments. The latter is what I have recently discovered I have been doing, ignoring it due to past hurts. I just figured this out, last night, to be exact.
I sold our business at the end of 2020 and also sold our big house at the beginning of 2021; two big changes. I did what I felt I had to do in order to fulfill my destiny. I didn’t know what that “destiny” was, but pulled the trigger based on faith that God and the universe would show me. I mean, I had been asking what my purpose was for over 3 years! Surely after semi-retiring and selling the big house it would be revealed to me soon. Cue the Jeapordy music. After a solid year of “enjoying” retirement, I found myself getting more and more depressed. When people would ask me what the “new thing” was, this was pretty much my reply.
Finding your voice
For several years, I had a social media guy that would help with our company advertising. He also would help me out on this blog. His constant reminder was, “You need to find your voice.”, so much that I didn’t want to hear that statement ever again. Even though I didn’t want to hear it, it was a constant drone in my ear. “What is your purpose? Where or what is your voice?” After a while, you get sick of the question because like Kip said to Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite, “At the moment, nothing comes to mind.”
Ignore the voice
Are there times when you are involved in an activity where you say to yourself, “THIS, I KNOW that I am good at.”? For most of us, it isn’t hubris, it’s an acknowledgement that we were given a certain edge, talent or skill, something that we can’t give credit to just hard work or constant practice. It is something that we become good at due to the enjoyment we get from that activity. There is a short feeling of fulfillment while performing that activity. Many times, we leave that activity and say to ourselves, “I am going to do something with this talent.”, but then walk away to get involved in some other sort of activity, leaving that spark of inspiration on the table, garage, court or instrument. We ignore the voice, just like Elsa did in the movie Frozen II.
You’re not a voice
You’re just ringing in my ear
And if I heard you, which I don’t…
I’m spoken for I fear
Listen to that voice during the activity
Many times, I share my constant flood of thoughts to my wife. I told her just last night, that unless I find my voice, my contribution of posts, YouTube videos and other activities would simply be a smattering of Gill’s endless imaginings. I did share that what seemed to bring joy to others, was when I would play the piano. I have played the piano since age 6 and KNOW that it is something that is not just due to countless hours of practice. I do enjoy it. It is my therapy. I get pure joy and satisfaction from either playing other’s music or writing my own. It is NOT a voice that I have considered calling my own for some strange reason. I have pushed that voice away, just like Elsa did. Another stanza in the song is:
I can hear you but I won’t….
Some look for trouble
While others don’t
There’s a thousand reasons
I should go about my day
And ignore your whispers
Which I wish would go away
It is time to answer the voice
There comes a time when it all makes sense, it all comes together. You have that aha moment or you simply collapse in emotional exhaustion and answer the voice that has been calling to you all of these years. It doesn’t matter if you are young and just starting out, or 66 like me.
It’s time to stop asking the question “Why don’t I pursue this?” and just begin. You may have some emotional hurts in the past that have caused you to push that voice away, but there comes a time when psychotherapy isn’t needed. Quit trying to understand why you ignore the voice and ANSWER THE DAMN VOICE!! Just begin, start, commence, initiate and stop shooting your voice every time it calls.
Don’t shoot your voice
Make sure that the next time that your voice calls to you, you don’t shoot your voice.
At times we do so much to stop what we feel is it’s clamor. We acknowledge it, then we shut it up, almost keeping it hostage within us. The voice isn’t a bully. It’s a small quiet voice, (remember the voice that Elsa heard) almost the voice of God, for where did this talent or skill come from in the first place? It is a gift to you. We tend to take the gift for granted, due to it always being there.
Your voice is calling you from the deepest parts of your soul. Don’t wait until you are my age to listen. You were created for a purpose. You were given skills that set you apart from others. Listen to your voice. It won’t scream to be heard, just a quiet whispering, waiting to be heard.