To sit on one’s hands per the Cambridge Dictionary means “to do nothing about a problem or a situation that needs dealing with.” What if you are uncertain as to what needs to be done? Would this be considered sitting on your hands? I know that for the last couple of years, I have tried every which way to get some momentum going to go in a new direction vocationally. It seems that every option that I look into, the door is sealed shut. If you know me, you know that I do not like to sit around and do nothing. I love new ideas, especially when I am the one to come up with them! It feels like I am in a straight jacket.
Not that I have ever been in one, but I would imagine that after a while, you just give up and sit on your hands or rather lean on your hands as they are wrapped around your back. Fighting a straight jacket is rather pointless, unless you are Houdini.
If all of your doors close, what are you to do in the meantime?
I mean, if after trying unsuccessfully to move in a positive direction, what is one to do in the meantime? I have found myself cleaning my garage, washing my car, washing the windows of my house and doing anything else that I can do just to NOT sit on my hands. Now some of you are probably saying, “Well, God probably wants you to just rest in Him.” Thanks, I’ve been doing that for 22 months. I have rested in my God created straight jacket and just prayed, read the bible and meditated for hours some days. I get up at 6AM every day just to do this. For a long time I felt that God was going to reveal His plan to me, that it was just around the corner, but now I’m not so sure. Is this a God created straight jacket or have I created my own straight jacket, stitch by stitch? Either way, I don’t like it.
In the pit of my stomach there is a churning
Have you ever told a child to sit in the corner and they obediently obey, only to hide the kinetic energy that is within them? They go to their corner, sit there and all seems well, but inside, there is a spring wound tightly that is ready to spring into action.
The old cartoon series by Hank Ketchum about Dennis the Menace often showed Dennis in the corner for some act of neighborhood terrorism. You knew that there was still a lot of energy in Dennis, even though he was being obedient to go to his corner of punishment.
It’s not that I feel that I am being punished. I just feel lost, without a purpose. I’m a project guy. I like to be creating something new. I feel that I have had pretty good patience for almost two years, but geez, how long can a kid wait? All of the potential projects that I have thought of or been presented with have ended up being closed doors and I don’t mean doors closed politely, I mean doors slammed shut!
My last post was about the dream collapsing. When a dream collapses, you eventually wake up, if not, then you have what is called a nightmare. Enough of this nightmare, I want to wake up! I’m tired of the straight jacket and I’m tired of sitting in the corner. I have to do something different so that I will not end up with the same results. 2020 HAS to be different, if not, I will NEED to be put in a straight jacket! Until then, you will see a house with shining clean windows, not a speck of dust on the floor and absolutely no leaves in my yard. I’m running out of chores. Let me know if you need your house cleaned. I’ll run right over!